Feelings Aren’t Fact
By Jasmin Portaz, M.A., LPC, ATR-P
August 31, 2025
Your feelings are valid. They are yours and they are nonnegotiable, but they are not facts.
We often believe our feelings to be truths, even without evidence. We convince ourselves that others see the worst in us, that we aren’t capable of being successful, that others are better or more deserving than us, that we don’t really matter. These feelings, while very real, are not facts, are often not useful, and can be dangerous and even detrimental to our thinking and success. When we allow our thoughts to take control we can lose sight of reality, we can lose perspective, and sometimes, we can even lose ourselves.
FEELINGS VS. FACTS
Facts are based on truths, evidence, and reality. While facts can be interpreted differently by different people, and not all facts are universally experienced, they are legitimate actualities that can be proven and backed up with empirical evidence. Emotions, on the other hand, are based on our own biases, experiences, fears, desires, and beliefs, from which we may not even know the origin. Feelings can undoubtably feel like facts when the truth is, they are simply our interpretation of a situation.
Let’s look at some examples of feelings versus facts.
Feeling: I have a really strong connection to Taylor Swift, I feel like she really gets me and is singing right to me.
Fact: Taylor Swifts music is really important to you, and she has no idea who you are.
Feeling: Everyone is judging what I’m wearing/how I look.
Fact: There is no way of knowing what those people are thinking of you, unless they say. By in large, each person is the main character in their own life and is so concerned with their own insecurities that they’re not even thinking about yours. Further, we are usually our own worst critic and rarely hold others to the standards to which we hold ourselves.
Feeling: The world is out to get me/I don’t deserve to be happy.
Fact: The world does not focus on one person. While there are many injustices and inequities in the world, no one person is more deserving than another. Everyone deserves to be happy, everyone deserves love.
THE RELATIONSHIP WITH OUR FEELINGS
Being in touch with your feelings is an absolute gift. It can lead to many beautiful strengths and sources of connection, including empathy, healing, emotional intelligence, and deep, meaningful relationships with other human beings. However, it can also be a hindrance, even harmful at times. When we put facts aside and allow our feelings to rule unchecked, we get in our own way and don’t allow ourselves to fully experience life and all the gifts it has to offer. When we assume the worst, we don’t leave space for the possibility of the best. We are robbing ourselves of authentic, organic experiences and standing in our own way.
Sometimes our emotions can feel like a deficit. Emotions such as anxiety, anger, fear, or other adverse emotions can lead us to feel out of control, undesirable, or weak. However, these emotions are not downfalls, they are there for a reason. In fact, feeling nothing but positive emotions at all times isn’t healthy either. It’s all about balance. More traditionally “negative” emotions are responses (sometimes quite healthy or even critical) to situations based on lived experience or messages received. When you are walking down a dark alley and someone starts quickly walking up behind you, your anxiety is there to keep you alert, protect you, and potentially save your life. Anger is not a bad emotion, most of us were simply not taught how to harness and direct that anger toward a positive outlet. When someone hurts us on a deep, personal level, we should feel angry. Unfortunately, anger often only affects the individual feeling the anger, not the person to whom those feelings are directed. In this case, our anger is inflicting self-harm and therefore needs to be addressed.
FEELING ALONE IN YOUR FEELINGS
While these emotions can feel uniquely your own, like no one else will understand, like no one else can possibly be experiencing this on the same level, that is just another untruth your emotions are telling you, and through awareness, you have an opportunity to push back. In reality, each person experiences a myriad of emotions on a daily basis, some pleasant and enjoyable, some difficult and draining. Unfortunately, most of us have not learned to identify, confront, or alter our emotions in a healthy, transformative way, leading to feelings of isolation, loneliness, and being misunderstood. If we took the time to unpack these emotions with other people, share what feels scary or unappealing, and ask others about their authentic feelings, we might find that not only are we not alone in our experiences, but we might discover wisdom, camaraderie, and even tools to help us better understand how to use are emotions as the gifts they truly are.
TRICKS AND TOOLS
Once we understand that our feelings aren’t working against us, we can ask ourselves, what are me feelings trying to tell me? How do we know what their trying to tell us and how we can utilize the message?
Have a conversation with the emotion – literally ask it, what are you trying to tell me?
Pushing back on the “what-ifs” – when you ask, what if it all goes wrong? Respond with, what if it all goes right?
Identifying the feeling behind the feeling – use an emotion wheel to help better understand the root of your feeling.
Listen to whose voice is sending that message – a parent, a different family member, a bully…then tell it to be quiet. Learn to trust your own voice.
HOW CAN THERAPY HELP?
The gift of therapy lies in both the emotional connection and emotional distance between a therapist and client. The therapist has nothing to gain, no ulterior motives, and their life is not personally impacted by the outcome of yours; there is safety and comfort in the separation they have from your daily life. Pair that with their education, training, and deep desire to assist you in better understanding and adopting healthy ways to navigate and live your life, and you have a truly unique gift of a relationship. In what other area of your life does anyone give you an hour of undivided attention? That time is yours to assess, unpack, and learn from and through your emotions and experiences. The right therapist can be your guide, your support, and your greatest confidante, helping you to better understand your feelings and learn to use them as a superpower, while helping you to parse fact from feeling.
Warmly,
HELPFUL LINKS
Feelings Are Not Facts - Dr Gloria Petruzzelli
Neurodivergent Insights - Dr. Mehan Anna Neff
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - Call or text 988
Crisis Text Line - text HOME to 741741
If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, always seek professional help immediately. Please call 911 or the suicide prevention lifeline at 988 or go to your nearest emergency room for immediate care.
DISCLAIMER
The content of these webpages and blogs and information provided is for general informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Seek professional help immediately if you are experiencing a mental health crisis or any other medical condition.