The Dangers of Black-and-White Thinking
By Jasmin Portaz, M.A., LPC, ATR
May 15, 2026
Why absolutes distort reality and limit growth.
It’s easy to get caught up in extremes; people are either good or bad, you should either leave or stay, it was either a great day or a horrible day, you’re either strong or your weak, and so on. This all-or-nothing mentality is known as black-and-white, polarized, or dichotomous thinking. But the world is not made up of definitives. When we get stuck in black-and-white thinking, we rule out the possibility of growth, surprise, or any type of flexibility. Life is not simply black and white, and often, the beauty, joy, and pleasures of life live in the gray. When we are stuck in polarization, we make it extremely difficult to allow ourselves to grow, to truly live, and to see beauty in the mundane.
HOW BLACK-AND-WHITE THINKING WORKS
The use of definitives, or absolutes, such as always, never, perfect, ruined, impossible, everyone, no one, or forever, is an example of black-and-white language. Very few experiences or people can be categorized by these absolutes. Even a broken clock is right twice a day. Not all definitives are negative, in fact there are many that we can find comfort in. Those that we know we can rely on, whether a person that always shows up for you, a seasonal change that brings excitement each year, or the joy a certain food brings every time you eat it. While it’s safe to say that any of these may not be perfect every time, it’s not a bad thing to believe in comfort these things usually bring. Negative definitives, on the other hand, do not leave space in our lives for joy. They shield us from the possibilities that live in the gray areas of life. They block the possibility of change, the possibility of being positively surprised, and often become a self-fulfilling prophecy. If we believe no one will ever love us, how can we open ourselves up to that love? If we believe we will never be satisfied with a meal made by certain person, chances are we won’t allow ourselves to properly enjoy it, even if it’s delicious. And if we believe that we will always fail, why would we give ourselves the space to even try?
Most people understand that there are variations to most things. We know that sometimes people we consider inherently good do things we would define as bad. We know that there are days or situations where things are neither amazing nor horrible, they just are… fine. We know that while our jobs, or relationships, or living situations may not be perfect, we can imagine worse and find aspects worth sticking around for, pieces of enjoyment. Black-and-white thinking leads us to believe that many things fall into extremes, where objectively small errors become total failures and innocent mistakes become targeted disrespect. These extreme perspectives make many aspects of our lives more difficult for ourselves, and often those around us.
Of course we all engage in polarized thinking from time to time; when we’re stuck in a rut at a job that’s leading nowhere, it’s easy to see everything as a negative, when we begin to fall in love and we find it impossible to find flaws in our partner, when the meal we planned doesn’t turn out as expected and we define it as “ruined.” There are many ways most people engage in some black-and-white thinking without it causing any significant harm in our lives. But when it becomes the norm, when we can’t pull ourselves out, when it becomes impossible to even see the gray, we can find ourselves trapped in a thought pattern that doesn’t serve us, causes us to sabotage different aspects of our lives, and endanger our relationships.
IMPACTS OF BLACK-AND-WHITE THINKING
This type of polarized thinking can cause great fractures in our relationships due to us unfairly categorized people as extremes. This can cause us to prematurely or unfairly end relationships, stay in relationships too long, and not allow us to see different parts of people, their growth, or their bad behavior. Additionally, the use of absolutes can cause great frustration to those around us, causing people to feel judged, pull away, and as if they will never be good enough.
Black-and-white thinking can be a source of great strain on our mental and physical health and ultimately impede our success in life. When we think so definitively negative about ourselves, in leaves no space for motivation. What’s the point in trying if we never succeed? This can lead to a lack of growth, academic or career achievement, and deep insecurity. This can lead to a forced laziness, causing us to take poor care of our physical health, develop negative relationships with food, and negative thoughts about our physical appearance. Our physical and mental health are interconnected; physical pain can be a great catalyst for depression and anxiety. Often, with this thinking we find ourselves stuck in a cycle that it seems impossible to break. But, impossible is just another absolute.
WAYS TO COMBAT OR DISRUPT BLACK-AND-WHITE THINKING
This type of thinking is not rooted in fact; it is established by our emotional brain. When our emotional brain takes over, we can combat it with our rational brain. We do this by challenging our own thoughts, using facts to push back on these thoughts.
Thought: I can never rely on anyone.
Push back: There have been instances, even if I believe them to be few and far between, where people have shown up for me, such as…
Thought: I’ve never been successful at anything I’ve tried.
Push back: (Even if it’s small) I did feel proud and successful that one time I created/worked hard at…
Thought: I’m a bad person.
Push back: Here is an example of one (or hopefully more than one) good thing I have done that a bad person would not do.
Interrupting and changing the way we think is not easy, but the more we challenge these thoughts, the easier they become to disrupt. Like anything else, this is a muscle we must learn to use. We can also use those around us as evidence to interrupt negative thoughts. Seek the perspective of someone you trust or an expert.
Sometimes we simply have to force ourselves out of our own way. If we tell ourselves, everything went bad today, we can push back and work to find even the smallest thing that went right. Whether it be one aspect of a meal being really good, getting somewhere on time, someone smiling at you or doing something nice for you, or even enjoying an episode of a television program. There is always something positive, or at least not horrible that we can find in the gray. Yes, always.
HOW THERAPY CAN HELP
Therapy is a judgement-free, safe space to admit to, and explore thoughts that you might feel uncomfortable or unsafe expressing with family, friends, or partners. Therefore, you can share your unfiltered thoughts, leading to your therapist’s ability to helpfully make you aware of and confront black-and-white thinking. They can help you recognize patterns, ways to interrupt these unhelpful thoughts, and develop a better understanding of the reasons behind these behaviors. Once we’re able to recognize why and where these thoughts originated, we become more equipped and skilled at disrupting and discontinuing them. Therapy is a safe space for us to practice thoughts and actions for our everyday lives, a space to reimagine how we want to live in the world, understand our hurdles, and work toward letting go of that which does not serve us.
Warmly,
HELPFUL LINKS
Emerge Psychology Group
Healthline - How Black and White Thinking Hurts You (and What You Can Do to Change It)
National Library of Medicine - Black & White Thinking: A Cognitive Distortion
Psych Central - How Does Black-and-White Thinking Affect Your Mood and Behavior?
Wiley Online Library - Seeing Things in Black-and-White: A Scoping Review on Dichotomous Thinking Style
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - Call or text 988
Crisis Text Line - text HOME to 741741
If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, always seek professional help immediately. Please call 911 or the suicide prevention lifeline at 988 or go to your nearest emergency room for immediate care.
DISCLAIMER
The content of these webpages and blogs and information provided is for general informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Seek professional help immediately if you are experiencing a mental health crisis or any other medical condition.