An Honest Look at Self-Care
By Jasmin Portaz, M.A., LPC, ATR-P
July 15, 2025
What it is, what it isn’t, and where to begin.
In theory, self-care is an excellent concept. We all understand the need for mental and physical breaks; most people have felt burnout, and the idea of a little indulgence just might be the perfect reset. It seems that everywhere we turn, we are promised better mental health and ease through one all encompassing, easily accessible idea: self-care. Social media influencers and wellness brands make it look so easy: a face mask, a massage, a spa day, a getaway. We are promised rest, relaxation, and rehabilitation through simple indulgences and “me time.” And, while these activities can certainly offer some comfort and calm after a hard day, true self-care, the kind with lasting implications, requires so much more.
HISTORY OF SELF-CARE
Self-care began to gain traction in the 1950s with the concentration on “person or patient-centered medicine.” Originally used in mental hospitals, self-care was utilized in conjunction with other mental health interventions as medical professionals embraced the idea of treating the whole self, including diet, exercise, and grooming, in treatment plans. The concept of self-care remained mostly within the mental health field until the early 2000s, specifically after the United States was rocked by the terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001, and mainstream society began to understand that PTSD was not just a diagnosis for veterans. Following the presidential elections of 2016, once again many Americans felt under attack, unsafe, and even traumatized. Suddenly, the term “self-care” was finding its way into everyday conversations, across social media, even in the workplace. Now more than ever, the term self-care has become part of everyday vernacular, leading to more people understanding the importance of mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual wellness. And, while this attention to and emphasis on self-care is a positive occurrence, the definition is not as simple as it is made out to be, and worse, is often incorrect.
MYTHS AND DANGERS OF SOCIAL MEDIA SELF-CARE
While there is plenty of positive, useful material touted by social media influencers, too much of it has no evidentiary basis and can therefore cause more harm than good. Influencers have the ability, and indeed the incentive, to greatly impact the way people view their lives, spend their time, and form their beliefs. Many content creators spend a great deal of their time crafting an image that is intended to look easy, desirable, and attainable. But what we see is only a snapshot. Rarely do we see the painstaking hours and days spent capturing and editing the perfect shot, finding their ideal angle, and making it all look seamless. What looks like a moment of zen is often far from it. These idealistic lifestyles can leave us feeling even worse about ourselves. How could I ever find the time to do that? Why is it so easy for them yet so impossible for me? I bought the clothes, the creams, the teas, I took the bubble bath, I went to the same park, read the same book … Why don’t I feel better?! Unfortunately, self-care is not a one-size-fits-all solution. It is not something that can be purchased at a store or “accomplished” in an afternoon or even a long weekend. Real self-care, the kind that creates a lasting impact and the power to truly change the way in which we live our lives, comes from the inside out. It takes work, but it is so worth it.
DANGERS OF NOT HAVING PROPER SELF-CARE
When we engage in, and believe that, these superficial fixes will be our self-care salvation, we’re essentially putting a Band-Aid on a giant, open wound. Now, don’t get me wrong, Band-Aids aren’t a bad thing; they stop the bleeding, protect against contamination, and offer temporary relief. But it is only temporary. A Band-Aid cannot heal a deep, penetrating wound. And, without proper care, medical attention, and continuous maintenance, that wound can lead to a serious infection that could have critical implications to both the limb and the rest of your body. Here are just some of the mental, emotional, and spiritual implications to a lack of, or improper, self-care:
Low self-esteem
Anxiety
Depression
Self-medicating
Social isolation
Sleep troubles
AUTHENTIC SELF-CARE
There’s nothing wrong with a facemask, a massage, or a spa day. In fact, each of these treats can feel like a little gift to yourself, and they are, in a way, care. But, true self-care, the kind that heals, transforms, and nourishes the whole self, is far more complex, and requires far more work. While self-care can look different to each individual, it has been defined as “the ability to care for oneself through awareness, self-control, and self-reliance in order to achieve, maintain, or promote optimal health and well-being”.
Here are some basic elements of self-care:
Setting boundaries – with the right people at the right time
Seeking professional help to work through and process trauma and/or feelings that bring pain
Spending quality time with people that lift you up
Having compassion and grace for yourself
Engaging in extracurricular activities that bring joy and feed either your body, mind, and/or spirit
Creating a maintainable, enjoyable self-care ritual
Mindfulness
Limiting (not necessarily removing) time spent scrolling on social media or reading the news
Taking care of your physical self
Eating foods that heal, not hurt your body
Stopping or limiting substance use
Engaging in physical fitness/wellness
Getting adequate sleep
HOW CAN THERAPY HELP?
A therapist is not there to tell you how to live your life, to tell you what you have been doing wrong, or to force you to agree with their beliefs. They are not the experts of your life, you are. A therapist is there to offer support, tools, and compassion, to aid you in your journey toward self-discovery, self-love, and growth, and to help you create a new narrative for your life. Working with a therapist, you can begin to understand your own self-care needs, and in turn, create a program that empowers, motivates, and helps you to begin healing.
Warmly,
HELPFUL LINKS
American Psychological Association
Real Self-Care - Pooja Lakshmin MD
Self-care: A concept analysis - National Library of Medicine
Self-care for health and well-being-World Health Organization
Self-care tips and resources - BU
Taking care of yourself - NAMI
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - Call or text 988
Crisis Text Line - text HOME to 741741
If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, always seek professional help immediately. Please call 911 or the suicide prevention lifeline at 988 or go to your nearest emergency room for immediate care.
DISCLAIMER
The content of these webpages and blogs and information provided is for general informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Seek professional help immediately if you are experiencing a mental health crisis or any other medical condition.