The Difference Between Loneliness and Aloneness
By Jasmin Portaz, M.A., LPC, ATR-P
February 28, 2026
And why one does not equal the other.
Some people feel more comfortable being alone, while others prefer to be in the company of others. Many will naturally assign labels to those two personas, believing that loneliness is experienced by those living in solitude, those without a life partner, those who spend Saturday nights alone, or those who are rarely seen in the company of others, while those who are surrounded by others are fulfilled in their social life and that loneliness is expelled when others are near. The fact is, aloneness and loneliness are not synonymous. Being alone does not equal loneliness. Many people find social situations exhausting, struggle with social anxiety, or simply prefer their own company. More surprisingly to many is the idea that someone can be surrounded by others, living in a full house, or be a “social butterfly” and still feel extreme loneliness. The recent Covid-19 pandemic shined a very bright light on public health fears around the impact of loneliness on both physical and mental health. And while we may no longer be living in forced isolation, far too many people still feel the strain and sadness associated with loneliness, even those surrounded by friends and family.
THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN LONELINESS AND ALONENESS
Aloneness, or being alone, refers simply to being by oneself. This is often a chosen experience. People have many reasons for wanting to be alone, some positive, some negative, but there is nothing wrong with someone who prefers their own company to the company of others. The experience known as positive solitude refers to the positive impact that healthy, productive solitude can have on our mental health. Time spent in solitude can lead to deep, insightful, reflective thoughts, it can be a time of great contemplation and peace, it can be a safe space to discover one’s interests, create artwork and other imaginative creations, and feel confident in self-sufficiency and independence. Of course, there is a downfall for too much time spent in aloneness. Human beings, by nature, are social creatures. Sometimes those spending too much time in “aloneness” may forget how to properly engage with the outside world, which could lead to feelings of disconnection, resentment, detachment, and, of course, loneliness. This can lead to further mental health complications, including anxiety, PTSD, addiction, and, in more extreme cases, agoraphobia.
Conversely, loneliness is the feeling of distress or sorrow due to isolation and/or lack of connection with other human beings. One may feel a deep social loneliness when they do not have a family, community, or partner with whom they can share their time and interests. Often this happens when we move schools, change jobs, or relocate without having social resources or a network in the new place. However, as mentioned above, one does not need to be alone to feel lonely. We can be in a room filled with people, at a dinner with friends and/or family, even lying next to our partner in bed, and feel deeply, distressingly lonely. This may stem from a feeling of disconnectedness, of uncertainty in ourselves paired with the need for others’ approval, or from not feeling that we are in the right space with the right people. Whatever the reason may be, loneliness is something that far too many people feel with far too devastating effects to ignore.
THE NEED FOR BALANCE
As stated above, human beings are social creatures. Therefore, even if we prefer our own company or struggle in social settings, it is imperative that we learn to live with and socialize with others. We need other people for far more than social interactions. We need people to help take care of us when we are ill or need help, we need people to converse with, so we understand different ideas and don’t get stuck in our own isolated thoughts, we need people for physical and emotional connection, and we need people so that we feel seen and heard. There is nothing wrong with needing others. Like anything in life, it’s a balance.
Furthermore, it is crucial for our mental health and well-being that we know how to be alone. During times of either forced or unintended isolation, comfort in aloneness can help keep and protect us from mental health crises. While this is true throughout life, studies show the particularly [exacerbated] detrimental effects loneliness often has on senior citizens. During this phase of life, when many of our loved ones have moved away, passed on, or are focused on taking care of others, many seniors feel deep loneliness, lack purpose, and struggle to find joy and fulfillment in life. A very sad fact that illustrates this loneliness epidemic is the suicide rates associated with the elderly demographic. Suicide rates increase greatly for those over 55 years of age. However, we see that for (cis) men, the rates tend to increase the older they get, as high as three to five times higher than (cis) women of the same age.
While seniors are the age group with the highest reported incidences of suicide, as women age, that number seems to drop the older get, whereas the opposite is true for men. Deductive reasoning tells us that during this time, men more frequently become reclusive and isolated from the outside world and social relationships. On the other hand, women seem to find more purpose, more social engagement, and more contentment with being alone with themselves. This shows that the need for comfort in aloneness is vital to emotional and mental survival. And, while we definitely need those social relationships, when they begin to expire, what we are left with is ourselves, our own company, our own thoughts, our own comfort. Therefore, the more comfortable we become with aloneness, the better our outcome in the final chapters of our lives.
HOW TO FEEL COMFORTABLE BEING ALONE
Many people feel quite comfortable in their own company. Some even find it preferable. But for those who struggle to sit in their own silence, feel anger and/or envy over feeling excluded, or those who believe they don’t fit in, so it’s easier to just not try, being alone may feel like a chore, a punishment, or simply unbearable. Here are a few things we can do to begin to feel more comfortable with our aloneness:
Take yourself on “dates” – begin with places you are comfortable with and look for ways to enjoy being there alone
Avoid social media and comparisons of others’ (often falsely portrayed) lives
Create self-care routines
Focus on skills or hobbies that pique your interest and bring you joy
Find things throughout your day to be grateful for
Create art – any form, it doesn’t even have to be good
Get outside and breathe
Keep a journal so you have somewhere to release your thoughts instead of allowing them to take up space in your head
HOW THERAPY CAN HELP
Though traditional therapy is only once a week for one hour, that seemingly short amount of time can be the one space where we feel truly seen and heard and not at all lonely. While our therapists cannot and should not be a replacement for social relationships or interactions, they can and should provide both a comfortable, safe space to be ourselves as well as a space to better understand our social circumstances and find ways to change what does not work for us. Therapists offer resources, gentle suggestions, and researched insight into avenues we can explore to fight loneliness. Further, they can help identify the difference between loneliness and aloneness, helping us either work to disrupt these negative experiences or reframe and change our relationship with our own experiences. Even though it’s more than okay to be alone, we do not have to go through this alone.
Warmly,
HELPFUL LINKS
Blisspot - Loneliness vs Aloneness
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention - Suicide Among Adults Age 55 and Older
Psychology Today - Being Alone vs Being Lonely
Science Direct - Alone but Not Lonely: The Concept of Positive Solitude
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - Call or text 988
Crisis Text Line - text HOME to 741741
If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, always seek professional help immediately. Please call 911 or the suicide prevention lifeline at 988 or go to your nearest emergency room for immediate care.
DISCLAIMER
The content of these webpages and blogs and information provided is for general informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Seek professional help immediately if you are experiencing a mental health crisis or any other medical condition.