Reframing – The importance of Language
By Jasmin Portaz, M.A., LPC, ATR-P
February 15, 2026
How what we say becomes who we are.
Words have power. Among other things, they have the power to teach, to heal, and to hurt. The words of others stay with us, taking up residence in our minds, keeping us awake at night, and causing deep pain. In society, we so often focus on the hurtful things that others say to us or about us. Painful and cutting as that may seem, there are words spoken from a voice that is even louder and harder to shut out. Our own. We may not realize it, but the words we say to ourselves can be much more damaging than anything anyone else can say. Our words become our truths. If we believe the world is against us, we will find evidence to support that belief. If we tell ourselves we are unlovable, it may feel impossible to believe those who show us love. If we tell ourselves we can’t, then how can we? We say things to ourselves that we would never say to or about others. We call ourselves fat or ugly, stupid or a loser, unlovable or undeserving. These insults are cruel, unnecessary, and dangerous. Our words matter. And no matter what you’ve been telling yourself, you matter. You matter enough to do the work to change the way you speak to yourself. You. Matter.
YOUR BRAIN BELIEVES YOU
Strange as it may sound, your brain believes what you tell it, even if it’s not true. Your brain needs to believe, to understand, and decipher information and situations, and will therefore believe what you tell it to make sense of the world. If you are feeling lonely and you tell yourself no one likes you, your brain believes you. If you tell yourself there is danger around every corner, your brain believes you. Even if you tell yourself your ideas are the best in the room, and everyone should listen to what you say (think all politicians), your brain believes you. The information you are feeding your brain comes from your lived experiences, messages you’ve received, and far too much unverified, unhelpful information fed to you through social media, societal pressures, and other people’s opinions. And while your brain attempts to fact-check, it is quite difficult to fact-check our own emotions or negative thoughts in real-time.
Your brain is not trying to cause you stress, give you anxiety, or lead you to question your value. Your brain doesn’t want to hurt you. It just knows what you tell it. Therefore, the words we tell ourselves can and should be kind, or, at the very least, not unkind. Lying to our brain doesn’t work either. We cannot simply tell ourselves we’re happy if we don’t believe it and expect our brains to change everything and just think happy thoughts. We cannot simply state the opposite of what we’ve been telling ourselves, what we’ve come to believe, and expect that we will suddenly believe we are someone or something different. So, what do we do?
THE REFRAME
While we cannot change our conditioning and negative thought process overnight, we can begin the process of changing that language and those ideas by reframing and pushing back. Reframing is the therapeutic practice of cognitive restructuring. In simpler terms, it is the process of changing negative thought patterns, challenging embedded beliefs, and ultimately seeing things from a different point of view. It is a combination of focusing on the more positive aspects of a situation, getting out of our own way, and working to not live in fear, anger, or self-pity.
Unfortunately, we cannot control our thoughts, as frustrating as that may be, but we can control how we interact with those thoughts. When negative thoughts come up, we can have a dialogue, unpack where they are coming from, and choose to push back and see things from a different angle. When we have this dialogue, when we tell ourselves a different truth, our brain believes us, and we start to believe in ourselves.
HOW THERAPY CAN HELP
Many, if not all, of the negative thoughts we have about ourselves come from somewhere outside of ourselves. Messages received from unhappy or abusive people in our lives. Messages received from social media, television, or people in positions of power or authority. Your therapist can help identify where those messages are coming from and whose voice is saying them and teach you how to push back against them. With the help of your therapist, you can unpack painful feelings and situations and begin to see other sides of them, understand why you interpreted what you did the way you did, and eventually change the way you interact with your thoughts in the future. Your therapist can offer a different perspective, kinder language, and a safe space to process your thoughts and feelings. With the help of your therapist, you can learn to push back and reframe those negative thoughts in your everyday life, hopefully leading to more peace, confidence, and happiness. The words we tell ourselves have a deep, lasting impact on our lives, so let’s choose some good ones.
Warmly,
HELPFUL LINKS
National Library of Medicine - The Role of Language in Emotion
Positive Psychology - Cognitive Restructuring
Very Well Mind - How Cognitive Reframing Works
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - Call or text 988
Crisis Text Line - text HOME to 741741
If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, always seek professional help immediately. Please call 911 or the suicide prevention lifeline at 988 or go to your nearest emergency room for immediate care.
DISCLAIMER
The content of these webpages and blogs and information provided is for general informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Seek professional help immediately if you are experiencing a mental health crisis or any other medical condition.