Boundaries
By Jasmin Portaz, M.A., LPC, ATR-P
October 31, 2025
How to Set Them, How to Respect Them, How to Navigate When They’re Not Respected.
The understanding and subsequent awareness around mental health has made its way into the mainstream becoming normalized, destigmatized, even popular. Along with it, hype words like “boundaries,” “triggered,” or “self-care” have found their place in social media, social conversation, and social outcry. While the increased awareness and support for improved mental health is positive, the unvetted, unclear, and often misinformed guidance available at our fingertips can cause people to attempt to implement potentially useful, life-changing practices incorrectly, irresponsibly, and even dangerously. This can lead to people not getting their emotional and mental needs met, cause deep misunderstandings and rifts in relationships, and leave individuals feeling confused and disrespected.
The concept of setting boundaries has become increasingly popular. While understanding the need for boundaries is a very important first step, the subsequent steps are equally significant, and with a proper understanding, individuals can begin to recognize their worth, teach others how to treat them, and experience a peace that may have eluded them for many years.
WHAT IS A BOUNDARY?
In simple terms, a boundary is a defined line that sets limits, a defining border of an area. A personal boundary isn’t much different. While a personal boundary is not a visible, physical line, it can and should be a clear definition of an invisible line set to protect one’s emotional, physical, and mental health and well-being. Boundaries are expectations of the way people treat us. They are rules and regulations you get to design and enforce based on your values, your belief in how you should be treated, and your physical, emotional, and mental safety. You may have different boundaries for different people at different times. Your boundaries can and should change as you grow, learn, and better understand your needs. These can include the way people talk to you, touch you, even how they request and respect your time. It may take time to understand or feel comfortable setting boundaries, but, like so many things, you will learn as you grow. It is a muscle that will get stronger the more you use it, and you will become more comfortable until it just becomes a part of you.
HOW TO SET BOUNDARIES
Why are boundaries so hard to set? For many of us, we weren’t given examples of how to set boundaries by those around us. Some of us may have tried to set boundaries only to have them be disrespected, ignored, or gaslit. Therefore, it is understandable why we may have fear and discomfort, or not believe we are worthy of setting boundaries. But we all deserve respect, to be heard, and to have our boundaries honored.
One of the main issues with setting boundaries is that many of us don’t know how to set them, so we don’t, and then feel blindsided or harmed when our perceived boundaries are not respected. While many boundaries should be implied, such as physical, verbal, or emotionally abusive behaviors, many need to be defined. And they need to be defined before the boundary has been crossed. Sometimes we have a clear, defined consequence for not respecting our boundaries, sometimes we do not.
Here are a few examples:
I will not be available to answer work emails or calls between 6pm-8am. I will not be accessible during those hours.
I am not comfortable with you raising your voice/yelling at me. When you raise your voice, I will remove myself from your company.
I need you to ask permission each time you make a sexual advance towards me.
I need you to stop sharing my personal information with other members of the family without my permission.
I am not allowing anyone to kiss my newborn baby on the face. If you attempt to do so, you will not be permitted to hold them.
HOW TO RESPECT BOUNDARIES
While understanding, defining, and setting boundaries may be difficult, respecting them should not be. It is quite simple: when someone sets a boundary, you respect it. If you do not understand it, you may ask for clarification but should not judge or question the identified boundary. If it feels uncomfortable, it is up to you to either have a conversation with the boundary setter or look introspectively around why it is making you so uncomfortable. Everyone deserves to set boundaries and have their boundaries respected. It really is that simple in concept, but not always that simple in practice.
WHAT TO DO WHEN BOUNDARIES ARE NOT RESPECTED
What happens if someone sets a boundary we don’t agree with? We may find it difficult to understand, respect, or not take too personally a boundary someone has set. Consider the example above, you have a close friend or family member who just had a baby, and they have told you that no one is allowed to kiss their new baby on the face, and you find this disrespectful and do not understand why they would lump you in the “everybody” category.
You have a few options:
You can respect their boundary, even if you don’t understand it,
you can try to push back and argue your case,
you can ignore their boundary and kiss the baby anyway, or
you can decide not to see the baby at all.
Respecting their boundary means choosing only option 1 or 4. The other two options are clear indicators that you do not respect their boundary.
If someone decides they do not respect your boundaries, and to be clear, that is a decision, you can then decide how you want to engage or not engage with them. That can include removing yourself from the situation, choosing to share less and change the dynamics of the relationship, or, in extreme cases, ending the relationship.
HOW THERAPY CAN HELP
Defining our boundaries can be confusing. We may not know where to start, how to articulate, or even with whom to start. Therapy can be a safe space to practice being the self we imagine, the self we’re ready to become.
Here are some ways therapy can be helpful in understanding and setting boundaries:
Helping identify the people in your life you need to set boundaries with
Offering tools, language, and a better understanding of how and when to set boundaries
Helping to set reasonable expectations
Role-playing
Working through feelings of disrespected boundaries
Helping identify when you may have not respected someone else’s boundaries
Learning to implement a new practice in your life can be difficult, but you don’t have to do it alone. With the help of a trained therapist, you can become better versed in the language of boundaries and begin to see significant improvements in the relationships in your life, as well as in your own comfort and self-worth.
Warmly,
HELPFUL LINKS
Emerge Psychology Group
Mayo Clinic - Setting Boundaries for Your Well-Being
Nedra Glover Tawwab - Book - Set Boundaries Find Peace
Psychology Today - Boundaries
Therapist Aid.com - Boundaries Worksheets
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - Call or text 988
Crisis Text Line - text HOME to 741741
If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, always seek professional help immediately. Please call 911 or the suicide prevention lifeline at 988 or go to your nearest emergency room for immediate care.
DISCLAIMER
The content of these webpages and blogs and information provided is for general informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Seek professional help immediately if you are experiencing a mental health crisis or any other medical condition.