The Invisible Weight of Emotional Labor
By Jasmin Portaz, M.A., LPC, ATR-P
November 15, 2025
Understanding the impact and need for appreciation, validation, and support.
We all wear a variety of hats, hold different roles, show different parts of ourselves to different people. Outside of the home we may have a job, belong to different friend groups or social circles, engage with extended family, even the mini relationships/interactions we have with people in restaurants or stores shape the way we see and interact with the world. Within each one of these relationships there are different types of labor that we engage, the main ones being physical, cognitive, and emotional labor. While physical and cognitive labor are often easy to identify, are highly valued, and monetarily compensated, emotional labor is often overlooked, undervalued, and dismissed as not being as significant and labor intensive. While we all engage in some form of emotional labor in our many roles and relationships, the inequity and lack of acknowledgement or gratitude for those who tend to be the agents of emotional labor has left many people feeling exhausted, angry, and fed-up.
WHAT IS EMOTIONAL LABOR AND WHO DOES IT AFFECT?
Emotional labor refers to mental work of managing and often disregarding one’s own emotions to get a job done. It is putting other people’s emotional needs before your own. While most people engage in some form of emotional labor at home, many people, primarily cis women, are often expected to perform this work at the workplace. Sometimes this is a blatant expectation and sometimes it is vailed behind performance management, side comments, or “water-cooler talk.”
Examples:
Having to be “respectful” and keep your thoughts and/or your emotions tempered when dealing with difficult or incompetent management
Being told you need to smile more
Expectation to make new hires or clients feel welcome or more comfortable
Assumption that a female police officer should be the one to take care of a child in a domestic situation
Having to keep emotions or thoughts tempered when male coworkers are being sexually inappropriate or engaging in “locker-room talk”
Being asked to sit at the table but not having their voice heard or respected like their male counterparts
Having to smile and be respectful when a client or customer is being unreasonable and/or rude
And while individuals from all genders and sexes do participate in some form of emotional labor in the home, with little to no compensation, gratitude, or even recognition, this task once again primarily falls in the laps of women.
Examples:
Being the default caregivers to the children or elderly family members because they are more “nurturing”
Perform daily tasks during hormonal changes without rest or complaint
Making sure everyone in the home has their needs met by organizing events, buying the food, making and reminding others of their appointments, buying the gifts, even making a house a home (while many of these are physical and mental labor, the emotional labor lies in taking care of other’s needs before your own)
Supporting their partner after a “long day at work” as if they themselves were not doing any real “work”
Further, service jobs that require a great deal of emotional labor such as childcare, teaching, counseling, nursing, even retail jobs, are primarily occupied by women. Women constitute 75% of counseling jobs, 81% of nursing and midwifery jobs, 90% of domestic jobs, 91% of medical assistants, and 95% of childcare services. Women are also much more prone to take on unpaid “allyship” work within the workplace and community, such as advocating for equality, speaking out against bias, or supporting those not receiving fair treatment.
THE HARM OF EMOTIONAL LABOR
Women have been functioning as the emotional labor stewards for centuries, so why do we need to suddenly change something that has seemingly worked for so long? The fact is it never worked. While many people have worked in fields or lived lives where they were constantly performing emotional labor with little to no complaint, the implications on their lives have been far from acceptable. Consistently engaging in emotional labor can lead to burnout, anger, exhaustion, issues with self-esteem and self-worth, resentment, anxiety, depression, irritability, even physical health issues including exacerbation of cancer. In the professional world this can lead to job dissatisfaction, high turnover, simple and avoidable mistakes being made, reduced job performance, even violence in the workplace. In the personal world this can lead to deep strain on relationships, misplaced/misdirected anger, lack of sexual desire, child abuse, infidelity, and divorce. While some of these may seem like extreme examples, many of them are quite common and highly damaging to both the emotional laborer and those around them.
HOW THERAPY CAN HELP
To begin with, many people may not have the language to identify or the awareness to understand that they are agents of emotional labor. Therapists have been trained to recognize and identify emotional labor, which can lead to their client’s ability to acknowledge it in their own life. One of the most difficult aspects of emotional labor is the lack of validation or appreciation. Having a safe space to discuss and process feelings around emotional labor can be exceptionally healing and often reduce the stress associated with emotional labor. Further, a therapist can help the client understand how to set explicit, appropriate boundaries, identify when those boundaries are being crossed, and create a plan for how to proceed when that happens. While the work of emotional labor will never disappear (there will always be a need for it and for many it is the nature of their position both at home and/or at work), the negative implications can be greatly reduced by the positive, impactful work done within a therapeutic setting.
Warmly,
HELPFUL LINKS
Emerge Psychology Group
National Library of Medicine - Emotional Labor and Burnout
National Library of Medicine - The Effect of Emotional Labor on the Physical and Mental Health of Health Professionals
Regina F. Lark - TEDx Talks - Emotional Labor and the Myth of "Women's Work"
Rose Hackman - Book - Emotional Labor
Psychology Today - Emotional Labor
Zocdoc - What Does Emotional Labor Look Like in the Workplace?
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - Call or text 988
Crisis Text Line - text HOME to 741741
If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, always seek professional help immediately. Please call 911 or the suicide prevention lifeline at 988 or go to your nearest emergency room for immediate care.
DISCLAIMER
The content of these webpages and blogs and information provided is for general informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Seek professional help immediately if you are experiencing a mental health crisis or any other medical condition.