The Un-Merry Impact of the Holidays
By Jasmin Portaz, M.A., LPC, ATR-P
November 30, 2025
The role our families play in making the season feel anything but jolly.
It’s the most wonderful time of the year! The lights, the decorations, the food, the music, the parties, the gifts, the love… the stress! While there are many wonderful, highly enjoyable features of the holiday season, for many, those pleasures may be offset by the stress, frustration, and emotional turmoil that come from time thinking about and spending time with family. What is it about this time of year that seems to bring out the worst in people? Perhaps it’s the strain of entertaining or the pressure to please with the perfect gift. Possibly it’s the financial burden and struggle to “keep up with the Joneses.” Maybe it’s the weather or the shortened days and lack of sunlight. Or perhaps it could be the “forced” time with people you spend the rest of the year not engaging with or even downright avoiding. There is a long-held, societal belief that the holidays are meant to be spent with family, that we all need to put aside our differences and come together to celebrate the season the “right way.” But what if instead of joy, what you end up being filled with is anger, resentment, regret, and misery?
WAYS FAMILY CAN CAUSE HOLIDAY STRAIN
While many of us feel a sense of responsibility year-round to keep in touch with, take care of, or share our lives with family members, that obligation is often considerably amplified during the holiday season. Similarly, many of us do not spend the year in close contact with many of our family members, yet we feel the pressure to do so during year-end celebrations. We make jokes about having to socialize with and be cordial to the racist cousin, politically different-leaning uncle, over-bearing mother-in-law, or the drunk aunt. These are people we would never choose to interact with, let alone have a relationship with. Yet, because we are related and it is the season, we allow ourselves to sit in the discomfort of spending time and engaging in awkward conversations with these people. We invite them into our homes and work diligently to make them feel welcomed and loved. Unfortunately, some of our family members have the ability and often a history of bringing out the worst in us. They may not recognize or respect our growth, still identifying us by our past mistakes or bringing up our insecurities. They have a unique ability to push our buttons, get under our skin, and have us question if we’ve made any progress in life at all.
The holiday season is a time when boundaries are often strained, broken, or disrespected. The mental and emotional load during this time may feel too heavy to carry, which can have negative impacts on our physical health and overall well-being. People may overstay their welcome, feel entitled to your time, ignore inconveniences they press upon you, show a lack of gratitude or even disdain for things you’ve spent your hard-earned money or time on without notice or care of how it impacts your life. During this time, we may attempt to suppress our feelings, tell ourselves we’re upholding our duty as a family member, or even sit in the belief that this is what we deserve. And once again, the season of joy becomes something far less cheery, and with it comes a heavy burden and strain that leaves many of us resenting and dreading this time of year.
IMPACTS OF STRESS ON YOUR PHYSICAL AND MENTAL HEALTH
Holidays and family aren’t the only negative influences on our health, of course. Throughout the year, many of us struggle with our physical, mental, and emotional health. But this struggle seems to be exacerbated during the holidays. This can have serious implications, and it is important to pay attention to the warning signs that stress may be impacting our physical health.
Impact of stress on our physical health:
Sleep interruptions, loss, insomnia, even nightmares
Headaches
Weight gain or loss
Reproductive health impacts or diminished sex drive
Fatigue and exhaustion
Weaker immune system leading to higher susceptibility to sickness
Physical pain such as muscle tension, neck, back, or joint pain
Impact of stress on our mental and emotional well-being:
Anxiety
Depression
Anger and rage
Loneliness and feelings of isolation
Lack of focus, direction, or motivation
Lack of enthusiasm or joy in hobbies, relationships, and everyday activities
Memory loss
And in extreme cases, suicidal ideation or thoughts of self-harm (if you or someone you know is experiencing thoughts of suicide or self-harm, please call or text 988 or visit https://988lifeline.org/)
HOW THERAPY CAN HELP
One of the greatest gifts your therapist can give you is to truly see and hear you. Unlike family members mentioned above, your therapist has only one goal: to assist you in your emotional and mental health journey. All they want is to see you grow and thrive. Your therapist is there to offer you their undivided attention and support, and share their expertise through ideas, strategies, and tools to support your personal growth, self-esteem, and navigation of your world.
Here are some ways your therapist can help you work through this challenging time:
Help you identify, name, and define certain inappropriate behaviors
Give you a safe space to vent without fear of repercussion
Help you understand and set boundaries
Help you identify and find pride in ways you’ve grown
Be a voice of reason – gently push back when need be and help you identify if you’re getting activated or overstimulated, and responding to the wrong person or situation
While your therapist cannot join you for the truly difficult moments during the holidays or in everyday life, they can join you in your journey to make those moments less stressful and perhaps even enjoyable. And who knows, with the right tools, growth mindset, and support, it may just turn out to be the most wonderful time of the year.
Warmly,
HELPFUL LINKS
Emerge Psychology Group
Cleveland Clinic - 10 Strange Things Stress Can Do to Your Body
Harvard Medical School - Holiday Stress and the Brain
Mayo Clinic - Stress Management
NAMI - The Most Difficult Time of the Year
Scripps Health - 10 Ways to Cope with Difficult Relatives During the Holidays
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline - Call or text 988
Crisis Text Line - text HOME to 741741
If you are experiencing a mental health crisis, always seek professional help immediately. Please call 911 or the suicide prevention lifeline at 988 or go to your nearest emergency room for immediate care.
DISCLAIMER
The content of these webpages and blogs and information provided is for general informational and educational purposes only and is not intended as a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical or mental health condition. Seek professional help immediately if you are experiencing a mental health crisis or any other medical condition.